so i'm in the middle of reading the twilight series and i swear i have never wanted so badly to crawl inside a book and seriously disappear from the real world. i'm in the middle of the third book and i seriously had to push myself to read the second because my anger was starting to get the better of me at the mere absence of the Cullens! leaving her in the desolate icy nothingness the way that Edward did! but reading the chapters that explained Bella's relationship with Jacob was just not exciting enough for me and it was driving me to drop the book altogether. I honestly thought there was never going to be mention again of Edward and his family and it seriously perturbed me to the point that i actually skipped ahead looking for the any names or references that would lead me to decide to go ahead and read through. Luckily i found Alice. So i trudged through waiting to get to the return of my favorite characters. Only to be now misty-eyed and nearly sobbing as i awaited the demise of the beautiful Edward. I read through anxiously awaiting to see if Bella would make it to her Romeo in time, even though i knew deep down she would, it made me hold my breath as i continued to watch her nearly trip over herself in her hurry to him. I stayed up til 5 am reading the second book and i wish i had more time to finish reading the third. i never heard of this series until they started showing trailers for the movie. it looked very intriguing and i decided i would see how good it really was. I am now intrigued beyond all hope. i am anxious to read the entire series but now that i'm halfway through, what am i gonna do when the story's over? i guess i wouldn't mind reading it over again and again. Then as the movies come out i will compare the differences between the two and more than likely will await the next big thing to come around. Too bad i don't really find out about these novels before they come out in the movie theater, maybe i should try to keep up on the bestsellers' list and actually try to stay ahead of the curve. I usually tend to get into a trend when it's about over. as badly as i pay attention to my own life, it's not really that big a surprise.

when will i have time to be me again?
I miss being able to wallow in my own frustrations.
Though being a mom will eventually reap it's rewards,
I'm wading through the years of responsibility and getting tired.
I miss the silence of my own self oppression.
The time for myself I was allowed in bulk is now either prohibited or quite limited.
I took for granted my body and my character
and long for the days of perpetual boredom.
I squandered the early days of my adulthood and dove straight to the middle
without a hint of hindsight, yet now time is proving to be volatile and cruel.
Silence is golden, whether it be silence of guilt or out of focus or frustration, one just zones out.
I'm tired of being called "mom" 379 times a day for no other reason than "because I can".
Gone are the days of hiding in my room and venting to music that fit my mood. Gone are the days of cleaning only when it was absolutely necessary. Gone are the days of just me, myself and I.
I miss them.

the light at the end of this tunnel seems to be fading everyday...and though i never held much hope, i did dare to dream, it would be better than this.